Tuesday, May 13, 2014

Worst communicator in the world!!!

Good morning. So, while I was catching up on my daily dose of status updates, I read that my brother lost a pound this week. While I am very proud of him for taking a step in the right direction, I realized that I have been less then awesome at keeping you up to date on my progress.

To be honest, I have been busy trying to figure out where my life is going. I have so much going through my brain that it really does make it hard to keep focused.

I have been out of work for just over 3 months, and while I love being available to friends and family at a moments notice, I am really starting to see affects of what not having a job can do. My bills are piling up, my credit score is deteriorating right before my eyes, after I have worked so hard to keep it in good standing, and I am in the red in my checking account more than I am in the black. I have been looking for jobs religiously, and I have even attempted to try to find some small jobs to bring in a little cash flow, but nothing has come of it. It has been a very upsetting few months.

I have tried to remain positive through all of this. I trust that God will provide something soon. However, this last week I crumbled. I stopped working out, I ate what I wanted and I slept all day and all night. Depression kicked into high gear, and I didn't try to fight it. Nope. I hung my head and i cried and cried about how sad things are becoming. I felt as though I should just let all of this crap I'm going through wash over me and see if it kills me. But my death would only produce more pain for those left to deal with my mess.

Nothing has really changed this week, except that i had a few friends who talked me off the edge exactly when i needed them to. They didn't tell me to pick myself up, they just offered me a hand and said they loved me and would help me get back up. They encouraged me to keep moving. Offered me hope that change would come, even started telling me about job opportunities in places i wouldn't think to look.

And then there are the little midgets (my nieces and nephews) in my life. Without each one of them i would be lost. They are the precious gems I hold dear to my heart. They play a much bigger role in my life then any of them think! It is because of them, that i want to be a better person!

All this to say, i am struggling in many aspects of my life, and it sucks. But with God's help and the help of those around me, I am strong.

We all have our battles to fight, and sometimes we fall down and lose hope. It's in those times that the right person comes along and helps you back up!. Once i shared my struggle with my friends, the light appeared once again at the end of my tunnel. I don't know how long this tunnel is, but i do see hope! Even if its just a pin prick.

Remember this: you were not created to walk this road alone!

To update you on my weight progress:

Starting weight: 315
Current weight: 292

The road is slow going....but its going. And that's good!

Much love!
Current weight: 292