To my dear friends

Thank you.

Thank you for all of the responses to my previous blog post. Thank you for concern, and words of encouragement. Believe me I'm just as shocked as everyone else as to the raw my emotions were in that post. Who knew that one incident from my childhood, could have so much power over me, even now!?

I want to say this, that post will probably be the start of many deeply personal and hopefully inspirational posts. I wrote that post last night as a way to give me permission to forgive myself, and empower myself to be all that I was intended to be. It was the start of a whole new journey. I am O.K. You don't have to worry. Its all a process. And one that needs to happen if I am ever going to succeed.

After a conversation I had yesterday I was inspired to look deep inside of me and see the dark places that have had a hold on my freedom all these years.

Why do I fear weight loss? Is it because of the unknown? Is it because I have created this protective casing with the intent of protecting myself from hurt, all the while hurting myself unintentionally?

I need to figure this out? Why am I "content" with being miserable?

Yes. I know this is the World Wide Web, and that people who don't know me can see this. GOOD! If my REAL struggle can help encourage someone else, great! I can't do this alone. And to be honest, I don't want to. I will get personal, and I will get real. But all for the sake of health.

I can't let someone else's opinion affect my eventual happiness. I need to get off my pity box, and stand up on my own two feet. Take action for myself. Take responsibility. Quit looking for others to cure me. I have the cure within me. Its just buried beneath all this nasty baggage I've held on to and let define my whole adult life.

Can I be honest. I hope these aren't just words out of emotion. I hope I can really live up to my post. Really dig deep. And really be honest with my friends and readers. I promise you, I will fight to liberate me from me.

Thank you friends. Thank you for everything. You are such a blessing and my life without you would be unbearable.

Much love.